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* It takes an entirely separate garbage can to handle all
the poop.
* All kinds of things around the house are in need of
repair, but the injured dog you rescued by the side of the road
requires immediate surgery and out comes the checkbook.
* You and your family haven't had your annual check up in
two years, but the dogs are all medically up to date.
* You start barking at your children to "Sit! Stay!"
* You're more concerned with the dogs' needs than your own
when the budget gets tight.
* At least three of your five weeks vacation are scheduled
around grooming, vaccinations and dental cleaning...all for the
dogs!
* Dog crates double as chairs and/or tables in your family
room.
* You can only remember people by associating them with
their dog.
* Overnight guests (who share your bed) are offended by
having to sleep with you and the dog(s).
* You snuggle closer to the dog than to the person with whom
you are sleeping.
* You decide to downsize from a huge house in the city to an
average country cottage with lots of land in order to build the
kennel of your dreams.
* You spend more time looking through mail order catalogues
for dog supplies than for Victoria's Secret nighties or Miles
Kimball gadgets.
* All your social activities revolved around other dog
people.
* Your voice is immediately recognized by your vet's
receptionist.
* Everyone in the office is eager to know if the dogs are
all right because you were late for the meeting.
* The whereabouts of all your important legal and personal
documents escapes you, yet you know precisely where to locate the
file that includes all the vet records, breed papers and
registration.
* Your trunk has an emergency food kit for any strays you
might come across.
* The majority of your charitable contributions go to animal
organizations.
* To win a precious $.75 show ribbon, you think nothing of
forking out hundreds of dollars to board/pet sit the other dogs,
pay for entry fees, gas, accommodations and meals.
* You no longer have to buy extra large garbage bags,
because the empty, 40 pound dog food bags work just as well.
* Complete strangers call you on the phone to ask a question
because they heard you were a "dog person."
* Your mom calls and asks how the granddogs are.
* Every gift you ever get has something to do with dogs.
* Your cookie jar has never seen the likes of people
cookies.
* You rip up the carpet and lay tile to make clean up so
much easier.
* Your children (wife, husband) complain that you always
take more pictures of the dog than you do of them.
* While proudly showing off your family album, your guest
asks, "Isn't there anyone else in your family besides the dog?"
* Any conversation you're having is effortlessly directed
back to the topic of dogs.
* Your first concern when planning a vacation is whether or
not the hotel will take pets.
* You politely bow out of an important social engagement so
you can attend a dog show.
* The number one priority when buying a new house is the
size and landscape of the backyard.
* The only (or at least first) forum you log onto is the
animal forum.
* You describe your children as having temperaments rather
than personalities.
* The cost of boarding your furkids equals that of your
entire vacation.
* Your dog decides he doesn't like someone and you tend to
agree.
* All your non-dog friends know to dress down when visiting
your house.
* Your friends know which chair not to sit in.
* First time visitors wonder aloud, "Do you smell
something?" and you really don't.
* You become the family dog kennel for all your relatives.
* You don't think twice about sitting on the floor because
both the couch and the chair are completely dog full.
* Your desk proudly displays your canine family.
* All dates must pass your dog's inspection.
* The first question you ask when on a date is, "So, do you
like animals?"
* You buy a bigger bed that will comfortably sleep six.
* You break down and buy another pillow so you can have one
to sleep on.
* More than half of your grocery money goes to dog food and
treats.
* You buy a mini van to give them all enough travel room.
* Your carpeting matches the color of your dog -- purposely.
* The thought of changing a baby's diaper makes you swoon,
but you can pick up dog poop barehanded, if necessary, without
batting an eye.
* You send out specially-made holiday cards that feature you
and the dogs.
* Your spouse issues the ultimatum "It's them or me" and you
have no problem pointing out the suitcase.
* You readily allow them to give you slobbery kisses, but
you don't dare wipe a toddler's nose.
* Onlookers grimace at the sight of you sharing your
sandwich with your four-legged pal, bite for bite.
* Your dog has the best birthday party over and above any
kid in the entire neighborhood.
* Your dogs eat only the most nutritionally sound food,
while your favorite meal is mac 'n cheese.
* You've traced your dog's family tree further than you have
your own.
* You're more familiar with dog laws than you are with
people laws.
* You stagger your dog magazine subscriptions to make sure
you'll receive one every week.
* Your vet's office number is the first one on your speed
dial list; his home is number two.
* One of your vet files is labeled "Other."
* Your vet takes a few extra courses just to keep up with
your breed's assorted ailments.
* Your vet file is the only one that remains in the "IN" box.
* Your vet file rivals War And Peace.
